Breakeven: Falling to Pieces
by tin2lo
Summary: Songfic. Peter/Lilliandil. Susan's not the only one grieving for a love she left behind. It was once Peter in the same situation except his love was Ramandu's Daughter. This is how he feels knowing what occurred during the Dawn Treader. song by The Script


**Alright – Important stuff before reading:  
Yes this is a oneshot BUT yes it may also be a prologue oneshot for a possible future story of mine (still under debate).  
Yes I did watch the new movie and yes I did read the book. Dad made me watch the new movie.  
Understand how/why stars glow and shine. The info I use is from "Stardust."  
No I don't ship Caspian/Lilliandil…enough said on that topic.  
Schaferdramaqueen helped me with the concept/inspiration 'cause she felt that it would make a good story if I explained why Lilliandil's glow is sorta abnormal/unsubtle/unreal…I give a really small explanation of which I made up in this story – all other star info is based on "Stardust."  
Lastly, why did I decide to write this? Because A) I'm a Suspian fan and B) People keep saying that these two look cute together and I can totally see it working…but no one's doing anything about it (see Dawn Treader Premiere pictures – google image Laura Brent and William Moseley).**

**Disclaimer: Nothing except the story concept and idea is mine (can also be partially credited to schaferdramaqueen).**

The first time in months, Peter finally received a letter from all three of his siblings. It was pure excitement to hear from them at all. Of course all of them were busy. Peter had his studies to continue with while Susan had to deal with being in a new and strange country and the two youngest siblings had to fight continuous battles with their awful cousin. Things were supposedly getting better for the two younger siblings…at least according to their letter.

Susan's letter had reached Peter first. She must not have realized that he hadn't received Lucy's and Edmund's letter yet when she was writing. Susan, if she could not truthfully talk to her younger brother, talked to Peter about things they would understand better than someone younger (even with 15 years of experience). In Susan's letter, she talked about maybe it was time for her to move on. She talked about how maybe she should call that handsome naval officer to tell him that she does want to go with him to the British Consul Tea Party and to apologize for rejecting him in the first place. She talked about how maybe it was time to move on from Caspian. But they both knew she was lying to the both of them. There was a tone in the wording plus tear marks on the sides. She wasn't going to move on anytime soon nor would she call that naval officer. Why was it just now that she was saying all of this?

He continued reading her letter…oh…that was why. Apparently Lucy and Edmund's third trip to Narnia had brought them through a voyage with King Caspian…where they also landed on an island….owned by a star…and his daughter.

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing__  
__Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in__  
__'Cause I got time while she got freedom__  
__'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't Breakeven_

That explained why it was only now that Susan decided to pour her heartbreak out to Peter. She thought they could comfort each other – her and Caspian…him and Lilliandil. Yes it's true, High King Peter of Narnia was actually once in a relationship with someone in Narnia.

He had known the star's daughter. They courted for a while in the Golden Age. It was a private courtship for she only left the island to see the new rulers of Narnia in the Golden Age and when she had to go back to the island, she promised to speak to her father about pursuing the courtship and then come back for him. But that could never happen for he had walked back through the wardrobe before anything real could happen. It was just like Susan's and Caspian's story. Maybe if they weren't in the middle of war, he wouldn't have disapproved of Susan's relationship so much.

When he finished reading Susan's letter, he looked around his messy piles of books and papers to see if he could have possibly misplaced Lucy and Edmund's letter. It was only logical that their letter would get to him first. After about thirty minutes of searching, he finally found it. It was being used as a bookmark for one of his textbooks. He remembered now. The day he got the letter was a really bad and busy day for him. He put the letter in the textbook to promise and remind himself to go back to it as well as go back to that page needed for his studies. It seemed quite ingenious at the time.

He read the highly detailed letter, smiling at some parts, angry at others, and unbelieving to hear about Eustace's change of heart. Near the end of the letter, he finally found what he was looking for – the visit to Ramandu's Island. He remembered that island quite well. He promised himself he'd visit once he knew the courtship would continue. That obviously did not happen

He got to the part of the letter that probably broke Susan, and would most likely break him as well.  
He stopped breathing for a little and prayed to Aslan that it may not be true.

_Her best days will be some of my worst__  
__She finally met a man that's gonna put her first__  
__While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping__  
__'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't Breakeven... even... no_

_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?__  
__And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok?__  
__I'm falling to pieces, yeah__  
__I'm falling to pieces_

Apparently she was their guide. Edmund and Caspian had thought her beautiful. Edmund, he understood why. Lilliandil never met his siblings – only Susan because Susan had found out about the secret courtship in the Golden Age. He couldn't understand Caspian. Why would he fancy Lilliandil? It may have been three years but why is it now he decides to fancy someone other than his sister? Why would he want to see her again?

Even though the letter also stated how the connection between any of them didn't seem strong, Peter felt as though he couldn't breathe. Both his and Susan's loves could very possibly falling for each other. Maybe not with the same passion and intensity – but enough to start courtship and build it up. Peter couldn't believe how similar both his and his sister's situations could possibly be and how it had ended up blending together. Lilliandil was probably hurt as well but to see a man that won't leave her must have been a relief. If only he had been there for her. If only he had fought to see her one more time before never being allowed back.

This night, and many more to come, he will probably be staying awake wondering about her and regretting his decisions. He will think of how happy she must be lying in bed knowing that the new man she promised her heart to would definitely come back for her…unlike him.

His heart was breaking now. It broke before, and it was breaking again. What was he to do now?

_They say bad things happen for a reason__  
__But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding__  
__'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving__  
__And when a heart breaks no it don't Breakeven even... no_

_What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you?__  
__And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok?__  
__I'm falling to pieces, yeah,__  
__I'm falling to pieces, yeah,__  
__I'm falling to pieces__  
__(One still in love while the other ones leaving)__  
__I'm falling to pieces__  
__('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't Breakeven)_

Everything happens for a reason and things never happen the same way twice. When do the riddles stop? Was this supposed to be comforting? Peter wanted to curse Aslan's rules but decided against it. The great Lion had already done a lot for him and his family. Aslan's words will only hurt him from this point on. They can't stop his pain. There's no more point in feeling sorry for himself. Lilliandil is going to end up happy if things between her and Caspian end up right. Just because Peter was still grieving didn't mean he wasn't happy for her. She moved on, now she's happy. That's all that should really matter.

During their short time together, he realized that she was his everything. She was happy. That's all he could hope for. He would fall to pieces enough for the both of them.

_Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain__  
__You took your suitcase, I took the blame.__  
__Now I'm trying to make sense of what little remains ooh__  
__'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name._

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing__  
__Just praying to a God that I don't believe in__  
__'Cause I got time while she got freedom__  
__'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break__  
__No it don't break__  
__No it don't Breakeven no_

She may not know it but she most likely has the hearts of two men. Maybe not all of Caspian's, but definitely all of Peter's. She can't be blamed though, she moved on even after thirteen hundred (and three) years. The only one who deserved blame was Peter. Because Peter left her in the Golden Age and didn't fight for her when he had a chance to, he was not only hurting himself but his sister as well. Their hearts would both break with very little to be done to fix it. Lilliandil can love again. Peter cannot. Both he and Susan gave all of their love away to one person and now can never get it back no matter what.

For the two older Pevensies there was no living…just existing. They can only pray to Aslan that maybe they will heal one day. There was one small piece of information that helped Peter get through a little. He thanked Aslan and prayed to him that at the very least this was real…

When he last saw her, she glowed a light blue/gold ethereal and subtle light. That's what stars do when they're happy. But according to Lucy and Edmund, her glow when they met her was a bright blue – very strong and vibrant. He remembered asking her about a star's glow during one of their secret rendezvous. She told him that a broken, sad, and depressed star would glow in a much stronger light. It was like a call for help – help in fixing their heart because what was a star if they did not have a burning golden heart. What was the point if it was broken? It's sad really, but there it is. The only piece of proof that she loved and missed him just as much as he did for her._  
_  
_What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and__  
__What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok__  
__(Oh glad your okay now)__  
__I'm falling to pieces yeah__  
__(Oh I'm glad your okay)__  
__I'm falling to pieces yeah__  
__(One still in love while the other ones leaving)__  
__I'm falling to pieces__  
__('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't Breakeven)_

_Oh it don't Breakeven no__  
__Oh it don't Breakeven no__  
__Oh it don't Breakeven no_

Maybe one day the two will meet again. In which case they will help mend each other's hearts. She was the reason he got up every morning and tried to be a better person. He fought with ferocity to ensure protection and no harm would come to his country or to her. She was his everything and she was moving on and could now be happy. He should be happy himself. His heart was breaking…she was happy…he shouldn't, nor will he, ask for anything more.

He was shattered and was falling to pieces. He would live on because when a heart breaks, it won't breakeven.

**Please don't flame me – it's my first time using a different romantic pairing and no one really gives either of these two characters a real shot (well in most stories Peter gets a girl, but it's usually an OC). Besides, Laura and William really did look cute together at the premiere.**

**Final few things:  
**

**1) The reason Lilliandil was alive during the Golden Age is because stars don't really age. According to Lewis they apparently age backwards when they eat this fire-berry. Although I see Lilliandil more like Yvaine's type of star - one that doesn't really age at all. Please let's not get into specifics.**

**2) Yeah I'm still trying to keep my promise by updating all of my stories but I'm super unorganized and I have about five versions of one chapter and all my stories are almost blending when I write one chapter, don't finish, and move on to another chapter of another story. Yah it's bad…I'm working on it.**

**3) I wanna make a youtube vid using movie clips and a song. Can anyone give me instructions on how to do that? PM me if you do (don't write it in a review, that's just annoying)…I'm really hopeless.**

**Reviews are nice…flames are not.**

**-tin2lo**


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